Bangers & Mash

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Pictured, Boris Johnson at the standards committee this afternoon. Note the suitably fried appearance of his fleshy face, after facing some of his former allies and Harriet Harman in a vain attempt to bluster his way out of trouble, by utilizing the Old Etonian tactic of assuming everyone else subscribes to your innate sense of superiority over them. A pretty sight it weren't, but at least he'd had the foresight to tame his coiffeur in advance of the meeting. If, however, he were facing the death penalty on a charge of murder, his performance this afternoon would have seen him dangling from the gibbet within days. If his former housemaster is still alive, I would guess that he would have witnessed this kind of thing from his young charge many a time, and administered the appropriate punishment, accordingly.

A more transparent and squirming exhibition of 'It wasn't me, guv; it was the rest of 'em did it', is difficult to imagine. A schoolboy caught smoking in the bike sheds claiming he was 'poorly advised' by his mates to spark up. Guilty as charged, your honour: and, speaking of honour; if the toad had the slightest shred of decency, he would retire to his study with a pearl-handled revolver proffered by his peers and do the honourable 'thing'. Oh, bugger, wrong picture, that was my dinner. Much like that plate of bangers and mash, though, I hope also that Johnson's political career is now history. Please don't shirk this one, guys, common decency demands you do the right thing, for once...

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